I am one of those people that goes nuts over the holidays. Not in an over-the-top, tree up on November 10, bell-earing-wearing fashion....but I absolutely adore the holiday season.
I love Christmas music. During the Christmas season, it is frequently played as my background music as I clean house or cook. Making holiday baked goods brings me great job. I get butterflies in my stomach when I start seeing Starbuck's holiday cups. Planning and preparations for Thanksgiving brings me so much warmth and excitement. My husband and I are those people out shopping at 3am on Black Friday....(however, now-days it seems to be more on Thanksgiving, which I really disagree with)
But this year, I can already predict that I'm just not feeling it.
We did the "adopt a family" through Ryan's unit on base for family is the community who are suffereing this Christmas -- and the deadline for the gift was this week. Last night I had to wrap the presents, and when I searched through our crawlspace through Christmas boxes for the wrapping paper...a sense of dread came over me.
My planner actually has a countdown on it reading "Days Until Christmas Decorating!!!!" -- because I adore decorating for Christmas. But when I really think about it, I'm kind of dreading it. No one will ever notice we didn't decorate for Christmas this year. Ryan will most likely be in New Mexico at pilot school (Unless his dates get changed...again). We don't have any Christmas parties planned. And our plans of going home for Christmas have been cancelled for a variety of reasons.
And there's the answer.
Without family, the season is just not very exciting. Thanksgiving I will be spending the day at work, and it's actually my last shift in the ER. December 1 I will be starting a new career of Case Management (which a post will come in the near future in regards to that excitement)
I haven't spend Christmas with my family in about 4 years. I feel like I've missed out on so much with my family. I don't get to see the excitement in my nephews/nieces eyes on Christmas Eve in anticipation of Santa Clause. I don't get to laugh and enjoy spending the day cooking with my Mom and siblings. I've finally reached a point in my life where I enjoy oyesters, and I don't get to enjoy them in the annual "Oyester Stew Feast" Christmas Eve.
I realize this is quite the wallowing of a post, and I express apologies for that. But that's what's on my mind lately. We weren't sure about when we'd make it home for Christmas due to my work schedule, and Ryan's schedule with all these schools and living in separate states. So we held off on buying tickets. Then when we checked, tickets were $700/piece (!?!?). Now that I'm transitioning jobs, and it really wouldn't be appropriate to ask for a vacation during my orientation.
We are very happy where we live, but it definitely comes with it's challenges this time of year. But instead of feeling down in the dumps, I'm going try my hardest and take any negative energy and turn it into positivity and gratefulness. There are people who have much bigger hardships during the holiday season, such as Christmas for the 1st time after the loss of a loved one...financial hardships preventing them from giving their children the season they want....or military deployments keeping families separated.
The heaviness I'm feeling really highlights how important family is during the holiday season!