Monday, May 11, 2009

For better for worse! For better for worse!

As the wedding is approaching, Ryan and I have began making it a weekly tradition to practice our wedding vows. You know, the traditional "For better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health until death parts us"...... So these words are often on my mind lately as I prepare for 08/08/09!

Well.......

In concurrence with our wedding plans, nursing school, Ryan's finishing of the semester....we have been in the process of a move. We have officially moved into our home, painted, set up a swimming pool, and deck-building is almost finished. This week the lease of the apartment ends. So I offered to clean the apartment since Ryan has finals all week. Today I had to finish up with the carpet cleaning, a job that should've been simple and painless. However..this "painless job" turned into a fearful, anxiety-raising, dreadful experience......

First, let's go back in time to the day we were moving and packing up the U-Haul. There was a tote filled with "Ryan's junk" in the back yard. As I was getting ready to leave, I told Ryan and his dad "Now guys, don't forget to put that tote in the U-Haul! There is NO WAY I will fit that in my car." They nodded their heads, and gave me that "men response" of "Yeah. Don't worry about it. We have this under control, Woman". Well.....guess what?! They didn't put that tote in the U-Haul. Therefore, it was my responsibility to pack it into my car. So today I had to find a way to tackle bringing this into my car.

Now I may lift weights, and be somewhat strong for the average woman. But I do not have capabilities of lifting a 100+ - pound tote filled with pure junk. So I drag it to the car. Now, let me remind you that is 110 degrees today in Tucson.

As I am about to drag this tote--I notice a molten snake skin. I reminisque on our old Tarantula "Jafar" that my brother Kevin had in high school. "Ohh...Neat! A molten snake! I should keep it, and send it to my high school science teacher!" I continue dragging. By the time I reach my car...I am SWEATING BUCKETS, and tears have actually appeared in my eyes. I am trying with ALL MY MIGHT to put this tote in my trunk. In the process of this : my JACKASS neighbor walks by, looks at me, and pulls out his cell-phone in order to avoid the simple "Excuse me, ma'am. Do you need help with that?" Now I am pissed off.

I finally face my weakness. I realize that the only way this tote will get into the car is if I empty things one by one. So I open the tote. And all HELL breaks loose....

This tote is the EPITOME, QUINTESSENCE of pure junk. In my eyes.... Sports cards, sports trophy's, sports jersey's, sports, sports, sports. I am thinking to myself "Ugh. I can't believe Ryan was JOCK in high school. How did we EVER find each other. AND fall in love??" Anyways. I am irritated with the junk. Then I see a TOY SNAKE. And I think "Omg....he has a toy snake? He NEEDS to learn to throw things away"......

The toy snake suddenly coils up, and starts whirling in circles. Now, I KNOW this isn't a toy snake. Because EVEN IF it was battery-operated...we all KNOW that "battery operated toys" go dead within...oh...long enough for it to get annoying to the parents. Suddenly, the snake BOLTS across the tote-container. Now I am freaking out. I lose it at this point.

I am in the middle of the parking lot of my old apartment complex screaming bloody-murder, jumping up-and-down, shaking my hair, and crying. I gain composure. I need to get these "valuble goods" out of the box for the love of my future husband.

I find 2 pieces of scrap wood in the back yard, and will use these to "grab" articles from the box. At this point, I am going to CHOOSE what will be kept, and what will be thrown away. With each object, I am muttering "for better for worse. for better for worse. I can do this. Damnit! for better for WORSE!!" Screaming in fear of the snake's possible attack.

Despite the dramatic event. I did survive the entire catastrophe. The only detrimental effects were slight dehydration, weird tanlines, and and increased fear of snakes.. However...I came. I cleaned. and I conquered. Ryan felt my love and pure devotion to save his sport-related treasures from the vicious, blood-thirsty snake.

For better. For worse. :)

7 comments:

Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

Wait a minute - the snake was IN the tote?? Gross. I would have freaked out.

I think you are the only couple in the history of time to practice your vows for 3 months leading up to the wedding!! You guys are weird!!!! ;)

Mama Nastase said...

I am laughing my butt off! It was almost as funny reading it as hearing it firsthand! I mean, thank goodness you're ok! AND you saved the beloved sports memorabilia! (Now THAT'S love!);)

On another note, I think it's a great idea for you to practice your vows beforehand. I recall, to my great chagrin, stumbling over my vows (at an inopportune moment). I also think you should practice the "you may now kiss the bride" kiss...alot! ha ha

qwerkyqook said...

OMG Abby, I laughed out loud with this post, and then read it aloud to my friend! HAHA. poor girl.

Momma Bear said...

I made the unfortunate mistake of reading this at work...Needless-to-say, I gasped, laughed, and ahhhhed out loud. I must say with your ability to communicate a story with anticipation, humor, and vivid imagery...you need to write and write and submit your tales, such enjoyment...Thank you for the laugh!

Love,
Jan

Marlys said...

Your Dad said he's proud of you as he would have thrown the whole thing in the garbage, but then you couldn't have lifted it into the garbage, could you? We both say this must be "true love"! Keep practicing those vows, even after the wedding when it's even more important! Love you both!

Mama Nastase said...

Marlys, I love your suggestion for Ryan and Abby to keep practicing their vows, even after the wedding!It's good to remember that the most important part of that day isn't the white gown & the pomp & circumstance, but the beautiful promises made in front of God and our families.

So excited for the wedding in a little less than 3 months! :)

Tammy P. said...

Abby,

We haven't officially met yet but hope to get to meet you when we visit next weekend.

What a scary experience that must have been. I once had a little tiny white snake wrapped around a fake Christmas tree in Texas but knew I was safe and got over the startle pretty quick. I can't imagine encountering a snake there in AZ where you never know what awful toxins it might attack you with!!!

You are very brave and very loving and devoted to Ryan to be willing to 1) save his precious memorabilia and 2) not call his forgetful behind home to handle it himself and 3) not chew him a "new one" when he got home for the whole terrible experience. I am grateful that the outcome was such that we can all laugh about it now. You apparently also have a great sense of humor....again, can't wait to meet you. (Remind me to tell you the stories of Ryan and Mickey and the attack dog, the burning socks, and the skunky bear...all at the lake.)

Also, if Lora hasn't already mentioned it, we were wondering if Ryan would be willing to talk to Mickey and his friend about U of A when we are there. Lora was going to send me Ryan's phone number so I could text him and arrange a meeting but I think she's somewhat preoccupied today... ;)

Again, looking forward to meeting you and seeing everyone next Saturday.