Tuesday, December 8, 2009


This is a double-post Tuesday!

It's time to vent. And it may get ugly.

I don't like my neighbors. We have the nosiest (not noisy...NOSEY), most irritating, 50-something old next door.

Oh, but it's not just the 50 year old, because the 50 year old has a 20 year old son. And they both live with the the 50-year-old's parents.

Can you imagine being in your 50's, and still living with mom and dad??!! Not because you're taking care of THEM....but because they still pay your bills, wash your laundry, cook your meals!!!??? So sad.

The 20 year old is the absolute image of the sin of Gluttony. He is overweight. He only wears shorts. And his shorts go down to his ankles. He doesn't shower. And he has probably not gotten a haircut since he was 12. And he wears all black with a lovely abundance of facial piercings.

Every morning, I am out stretching in the driveway prior to my run. And father and son are outside smoking. (what nice bonding...ruin your lungs and harden your arteries in unison!)

"Mornin'!! Heading out for a run???", they investigate.

I have to bite my tongue. Literally. I actually bite my tongue to refrain from, "Nah! Usually I head out for a run at this time. But today I just put on my fricking running clothes, and my fricking Garmin watch. And decided to prance down the street acting like I'm running. But no, I'm not really going for a run."

Every morning. Never fails. Instead, my sweet self just says, "Yep. You bet."

Their cigarettes butts end up in my yard. I pick them up one-by-one and throw them back at their yard.

These are also the neighbors that had a pandemonium when Ryan and I placed a pool in our back yard this summer. Within 5 minutes of taking it out of the BOX....our land lord was calling us, and the HOA was on our case. "You're neighbor gave us a call and said you're putting up a pool, huh."

And this is also the same neighbor who, when we were leaving to ND for our wedding told ME: "You're really doing it? You're really going through with this whole marriage thing, huh. I dunno, man! I did it once. Only thing I got out of it was a son. Marriage is rough, man! And women get crazy. Ya gonna have any kids soon??"

I replied, "Thanks for the wise advice. I'll be sure to pass that one to Ryan...." (Hi!! Do you realize you are talking to a woman?? No wonder you still live with your parents....)

He's always on their front step smoking. So when I get home, I actually strategize how fast I will bolt out of the car into the house -- so I don't have to talk to him.

And finallly.........

This is the neighbor who has been working on his car. His piece-of-shit '92 Honda Accord with a "fancy" blue stripe down the front. Listening to some ripped-out 80's rock music in his garage ALL DAY LONG!!

I am tempted tp offer him a bottle of Yahoo chocolate milk and some zoobaz to accompany his day of fun. But I have studying to do, and paper to write--because I would like to contribue to society some day.

This is why some people never move out of their parents home, my friends!

Now, do not take this wrong. I am not an angry person. I just like to analyze. And I LOVE TO vent. Really, we're pretty lucky for the neighbors. At least our neighbor isn't a jerk. Or a criminal. Or a sex offender. At least we don't live in some trailor park in the ghetto.

But, as stated earlier -- I love to vent.


Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

Nice - I can just picture him. Good for you for venting!! I have nosey neighbors as well, but it's harder for them to spy on me or talk to me since my place is set up like an apt. I was uber annoyed when I was putting my flooring in and every flipping person asked if I got it approved by the HOA board.

I will seriously NEVER buy a house that's in an HOA. ever.

qwerkyqook said...

I think the annoyingness of neighbors is inversely proportional to the amount of time you have to study for an upcoming final. I've been know to yell horrible things at loud college students being drunk and annoying outside my window. Are you kidding I would think-or they probably were so far gone in their classes one more night of studying wouldnt matter!

Ashley Gerner said...

Thank you for the laugh! Some day, when you're back in Minnesota, living in some quaint suburb with a house of your own and the "Leave it to Beaver" family is living next door you will laugh about this. For now, I just think this is God's sense of humor! :)
So for now...please keep the updates on your neighbor coming because they are hillarious and I can hear your voice in my head telling the story! :) Can't wait to see you at Christmas, travel safe! :)

Mama Nastase said...

I agree with your sister, it's good to vent! Otherwise you might explode with annoyance.

If you want, I have an empty coffee can you can fill with sand and write "cigarette butts". You can stick it between your yards with a festive bow. ;)