Wednesday, March 19, 2014

On being separated

Since January 25 of last year, it  seems Ryan and I have lived in different states more than we lived in the same state. He was in Alabama from January 25-March 6. Home for 1 week. Then in Colorado from March until May. And now he's in New Mexico for a 4 month school. The nice thing is this is his last school.

I also have no place to complain. My husband is not deployed. He's in the US in safe places. We don't have any kids. I have a job to keep me busy, running trails to enjoy, and a group of supportive girlfriends to keep me laughing!

But it will be nice to live under the same roof again.

To be honest, I'm getting a little irritated when people tell me this separation is "good for me" and "good for us" and "will teach me how to be independent".

Well, let me tell you....I've learned how to be independent by this point. I know how to take care of myself. We've learned to value each other and our time. We're ready to live together again. End of story. Thank you.

Here are a few thing I've learned about having a long distance relationship with your spouse:

  • Every time you re-unite after living in different locations for several months, there is going to be some disagreement. You each develop your individual routines. Reuniting those routines takes patience. You'll find yourselves discussing, "Why are you doing this dishes like this?" or "You never drank your coffee like that before..." or "You re-organized all the kitchen cabinets! I don't know where anything is in this house anymore!"
  • There are going to be times where you feel very separated.  He has a group of friends in this remote location, you might make new friends back at home. This is okay - you each have to find our own joy. The kicker is not letting it change you individually.
  • Keep living. Last year when Ryan went to his 1st school....I worked a lot. I worked during the week, I worked every weekend. I thought, "Well, if Ryan's not here, I may as well just work all the time!" I decided to make it a time to bank up some extra cash by doing overtime. This ended up making me burnt out, and I did not associate joy with home
  • Set up time to talk, and make it a priority. Talk about your day. Text each other throughout the day about random little things, as if they were still living in the same household. We both have busy schedules, and we have a slight time difference - but always make sure that between the hours of 8:30-10 pm to hear each other's voices!
  • Again, going several days without actually talking - makes picking back up awkward. It's really weird to have to say to your husband (and best friend) "So...what have you been up to this week? How has life been?"
  • You will yearn for Tuesday night. Yep. A random Tuesday night where you go to the gym together, come home, maybe pick some weeds in the backyard, throw some chicken breasts on the grill, and watch the news together before bed. It's that simple, normalcy that we yearn for more than anything else. The feeling of simplicity & security. 
  • You will learn to be pro's at packing in as much as possible into 2 days. We have had weekends where from 6 am - 11 pm we were running like crazy. Sunday night leaves you exhausted - but it's so worth it! 


Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

I am so glad that your time apart is coming to an end in a couple of months. I definitely would never tell you that this is good for you because being apart is certainly not ideal. I think you have learned a lot about each other and yourselves and grown as a result but it's not like you NEEDED this opportunity to happen as you were such a strong couple to start with. I get similar comments about something good will come of my time in NC or how it's going to make me stronger or more sure of where I am meant to live blah blah blah. I just try to go numb when I hear these comments so that I don't react and offend someone but I really just want to tell them they have no idea what they are talking about.

Here's hoping your remain time apart goes by very fast! Love you two!!!

Marlys said...

This is the first time you have bared your soul about your separations, and that is so good. I feel your loneliness and pain and I am so thankful it is coming to an end soon! Yes, it is good that he is close by now, but it is still "being apart" and that is painful! I'm glad you make the most of your weekends together and I pray this last stretch goes by quickly! We love you both so much!