I also have no place to complain. My husband is not deployed. He's in the US in safe places. We don't have any kids. I have a job to keep me busy, running trails to enjoy, and a group of supportive girlfriends to keep me laughing!
But it will be nice to live under the same roof again.
To be honest, I'm getting a little irritated when people tell me this separation is "good for me" and "good for us" and "will teach me how to be independent".
Well, let me tell you....I've learned how to be independent by this point. I know how to take care of myself. We've learned to value each other and our time. We're ready to live together again. End of story. Thank you.
Here are a few thing I've learned about having a long distance relationship with your spouse:
- Every time you re-unite after living in different locations for several months, there is going to be some disagreement. You each develop your individual routines. Reuniting those routines takes patience. You'll find yourselves discussing, "Why are you doing this dishes like this?" or "You never drank your coffee like that before..." or "You re-organized all the kitchen cabinets! I don't know where anything is in this house anymore!"
- There are going to be times where you feel very separated. He has a group of friends in this remote location, you might make new friends back at home. This is okay - you each have to find our own joy. The kicker is not letting it change you individually.
- Keep living. Last year when Ryan went to his 1st school....I worked a lot. I worked during the week, I worked every weekend. I thought, "Well, if Ryan's not here, I may as well just work all the time!" I decided to make it a time to bank up some extra cash by doing overtime. This ended up making me burnt out, and I did not associate joy with home.
- Set up time to talk, and make it a priority. Talk about your day. Text each other throughout the day about random little things, as if they were still living in the same household. We both have busy schedules, and we have a slight time difference - but always make sure that between the hours of 8:30-10 pm to hear each other's voices!
- Again, going several days without actually talking - makes picking back up awkward. It's really weird to have to say to your husband (and best friend) "So...what have you been up to this week? How has life been?"
- You will yearn for Tuesday night. Yep. A random Tuesday night where you go to the gym together, come home, maybe pick some weeds in the backyard, throw some chicken breasts on the grill, and watch the news together before bed. It's that simple, normalcy that we yearn for more than anything else. The feeling of simplicity & security.
- You will learn to be pro's at packing in as much as possible into 2 days. We have had weekends where from 6 am - 11 pm we were running like crazy. Sunday night leaves you exhausted - but it's so worth it!