Friday, July 3, 2015

The Ten Office Commandments

Most of my career, I have not had an office. During my time as a floor nurse, I ran around from room to room, and did my charting standing up in hallways.

As a case manager, I walked around the entire hospital with a giant binder going from room to room. We had a "case management office" - but I avoided it at all costs. I would see all my patients, and find a computer in a quiet corner to do all my documentation.


This is my job where I've ever had a designated desk, in a designated office, that I am required to spend a large amount of time at during my day.

I have learned about myself, that I would like to work in a fish bowl of silence.

I have developed a great deal of pet peeves. These pet peeves are of behaviors that I witness, that one would think are common sense. However, as Ryan always tells me, "Common sense is not that common."

My environment is unique. And I have 2 words to describe it:

per·son·al·i·ty dis·or·der
noun: personality disorder; plural noun: personality disorders
  1. a deeply ingrained and maladaptive pattern of behavior of a specified kind, typically manifest by the time one reaches adolescence and causing long-term difficulties in personal relationships or in functioning in society.
Okay, moving on. I have come up with a list of so-called "Office Commandments", that should be common sense. Common courtesy. And if I ruled the world, they would be posted in every office. (Below are all things I experience on a daily basis, by the way)....
1. Thou shall not hold phone conversations on speaker.

2. Thou shall definitely not get into an argument with a person (ie spouse, child, patient, physician) in a crowded cubical space. One shall politely excuse self from the room, and hold this argument in a private area. Especially if raising of voice and yelling is to take place.

3.  Thou shall not talk about their bowel habits in loud phone conversation. See commandment #2.
4.  Thou shall not make commentary on other office-mates professional phone conversations with patients. (and I mean commentary on every conversation. Every. Single. Conversation.)
5.  Thou shall not make commentary of every lunch office mate makes, staring over shoulder, asking what the food contents are, how it was made, where the ingredients were purchased, and then proceeding to "ask for a bite".
6.  Thou shall not eat canned tuna in a small cubicle environment.
7.  Thou shall not re-heat any form of fish in microwave. Especially if microwave is next to cubicle-mates desk.
8.  Thou shall not speak of their food allergies every hour of the day. (It is sometimes so obnoxious, I am tempted to make a barricade of flour and bread around my desk to ward off the crazy. If you know what I mean.)
9.  Thou shall not look at office-mate's computer screen, and commentate on their e-mails.
10.  Thou shall not blabber incessantly throughout entire 8-10 hour day. Again, see commandment # 2 regarding finding private place to talk to self out loud.


Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

Oh man, it sounds like you've got a nightmare work environment... I have some unique personalities around me but they are all men so they are not as invasive/nosy as the people you describe! I have learned that coworkers can make or break a work environment. The heating up and eating of smelly foods is definitely a problem in my current work environment, as is the incessant questions that I get asked... I'd like to work in isolation most days, too.

Jenny said...

Ooh that doesn't sound like so much fun. Are you able to put in headphones and listen to music or podcasts?

Marlys said...

Oh, now that was a rant and a fun one to boot! I'm sure it is not funny to you but you made it that way! My heart bleeds for you as it would drive me crazy!
One office person is enough for me and her worst habit is looking at my computer screen whenever she has the chance! I should look at hers because she is constantly surfing the web on OUR TIME! Grrr! Now you have raised my ire so I best close for the day!