Over the past few months, I have been asked about "The 7 year itch". To be honest, I wasn't really familiar with that. So I did a little googling.
What is the 7 year itch? Well, besides a movie from 1955. It is a phenomenon that occurs in many marriages.
Scenario #1: The couple has raised 1-2 children through the sleepless and stressful infancy years. They reach 7 years of marriage, and they have lost touch with their bond. And they get the itch to seek other things, lifestyles, or in some cases, relationships.
Scenario #2: The couple have spent enough time together that they realize they are not excited about their partner anymore. A philosopher once said that the human develops in "7 year cycles". These changes/cycles can be mental, emotion, and physical. And that evolvement can turn into changing into a person who doesn't want to be married to the person they fell in love with 7 years ago.
Obviously Scenario #1 does not apply to us. We don't have children yet.
Scenario #2 could apply to us. We have both changed dramatically over 7 years. Sometimes when I look back who what I was doing and how I looked at life 7 years ago, I scratch my head.
But I can assure you all that we are NOT experiencing the "7 year itch" some speak of or ask about.
In fact, I am confidently say that I am at least 10 TIMES more in love with and crazy about Ryan that I was 7 years ago. And here are a few things I've reflected upon over the past few weeks, that I think contribute to that. So here are my thoughts and these are a few pieces of advise I would give to any newlyweds preparing to get married:
-Nothing has been constant the past 7 years, except for our commitment to each other. -
- We have both changed careers multiple times.
- Ryan has made 4 temporary out-of-state moves during our marriage.
- We have had some major life changes occur (especially over the past year).
- There is no desire to go seek something new. Sometimes I dream about a life where we get to eat dinner together every night of the week.
- But that's not our life. And I'm okay with it.
- No 2 weeks in our life look the same.
- The erratic lifestyle has taught me to really cherish the evenings/weekends/days we get together. 2. We are the only family each other has in Tucson. This is a tough reality to face - but it is the truth. We lean on each other when times are tough, we need advice about what to do/say next, and when we need to celebrate happiness and now holidays.
- So when we got into a fight, I didn't have anyone to go to and vent to.
- That situation taught me to respect our marriage - and fix things immediately and move on. Not gossip about it
- We girls love our gossip
-We are up front about our finances.
- Fact: finances can cause a lot of tension in relationships.
- From day 1, Ryan and I have worked out a budget that makes both of us happy.
- We both have had to make mini compromises.
- We keep each other in "check". (ie: "You're buying another woodsaw?" or "How many sundresses do have you bought this summer?")
-And finally - we are
brutally incredibly honest with each other. Someone has to keep you in check of your behavior, your goals, and your lifestyle. We point out to each other if we are slacking at something in life or having a bad attitude towards something. And we genuinely compliment each other every single day.
This is not a post saying these 7 items are what every relationship should incorporate to equal happiness. But it is what worked for us!! I cannot wait to see what the next 7 years brings. I hope it doesn't go quite as fast. But I assume it will - since every year seems to go faster!
What advice would you give newlyweds preparing to get married?