Dearest Sebastian,
This will be a more sobering letter, but I don't think I can write about my pregnancy without addressing the big elephant in the room.
I write this letter to you in grave hopes that by the time you're old enough to read these letters, COVID-19 is something you read about in your history books. However, by the time you're taking history classes, I am sure you won't have textbooks. I'm sure some robot will tell you about it.
I hope that you go to a busy, bustling school with activities, contact sports, and choir. (all things that currently don't exist). I hope you had a childhood where you could play tag. (currently banned). I hope you have school pictures where you are making faces at the camera that is not hidden behind a mask.
But given the current state, your mama is not so sure what kind of world she is bringing you into. At this point, all I can tell you is that I promise your Dad and I will travel with you and make life as special as we can. Right now things are a little 'off' in the world. Especially in Arizona, aka CoronaZona. It is truly incredible how much uproar 1 stupid lab bat can cause.
Your Dad will never get to see you on the ultrasound or ask our doctor a question. He will only get to show up on the day you enter this world. Hopefully.
Given how bad it is in Arizona, I have a recurring middle-of-the-night panic that I'll have to deliver you alone in a hospital room full of medical professionals in hazmat suits.
I always anticipated that during the months of pregnancy, Ryan and I would interview various daycares and schools that were suited for our special babe. Now, I don't even know what my job will be in 1 month. It changes daily, as I help where I am needed to keep the hospital from the sheer crisis. How can I possibly plan childcare arrangements in a year from now? I don't know if schools will be open, daycares will be safe, and what life will look like.
The amount of unknowns at this time is intensely overwhelming.
Your mom is also due to finish her Master's degree 2 months before you are born. However, she is facing some massive barriers right now getting her practicum set up due to the pandemic. Her university is not being very understanding, and have told her she can delay her graduation if it's so bad in her state.
(Motherly piece of advice: Avoid online universities. Unless it is a full-ride scholarship. Then you just suck it up and get that stupid piece of paper...like me. And complain about it a lot. Like me.)
I'm also scared to have to be inside a busy COVID-infested hospital while I am pregnant and have tried hard to get my university to make some exceptions.
The only thing that is known is that I cannot wait to hold you in my arms. I also know your dad and I are 100% committed to giving you the best life possible! And I have faith that by the time you grace us with your presence, I'll have answers to all these worries that keep me up at night.
I just want to give you the best life possible. These are realities of the world around you mom while she carried you for 9 months :)
With Love,
NoMoreRona
Comments
I'm so glad things have changed, but it breaks my heart that you have to experience this without Ryan. Fortunately, your Dad was present at all your births except Chad, when he was shooed to the waiting room until I came out of recovery! He remembers pacing the room like a mad man wondering what was transpiring! And we did take Lamaze classes together for the last four births,too, so that was really great. He was a great coach and I so needed him beside me during those moments. There was nothing to compare to seeing our children together for the first time. We missed that with Chad. I'm really enjoying your posts, and I pray things are much better by the time Sebastian arrives!