A non-pregnancy related post. I am writing this so hopefully I can some day look back on this phase and laugh. Or something.
Since I am blogging again...I may as well be blogging again ;).
But as I am getting back to regular posting, there is a high probability I go missing over the next few months. I'm still alive. I was not kidnapped. On Wednesday I begin my MSN Capstone that will last 8 weeks. This is basically the biggest, most important paper I have written. I have been preparing for it over the last 2 years of this program, and now I apply my theory/project to the workplace and complete the large "novel" where I write about every aspect of it.
The challenge is with COVID, I am working remotely - so I will have to get creative.
The goal is the write and present my work to the college of nursing, have it peer-reviewed by a board of professors, and if it's "good enough" get my work published. But honestly, at this point, I just want to get this over with.
I reviewed the syllabus, and it anticipates 20 hours/week of work. So things are going to be a little stressful.
Once I finish this 8-week course, I will start my practicum. This is where I am will on-site working with a mentor for 8 hours/week, on top of my 40+ hour week-week. But, that is the end of this program.
I am at the point where I am not even excited about getting my masters anymore. I am actually regretting it. It isn't going to "do" anything for me, except put some fancy decoration behind my signature of "Abigail Nastase, RN, MSN". Luckily, I did not have to pay a penny - so that absolves my guilt.
Perhaps someday I will be proud and tell our daughter that I did this during a busy time in our lives juggling more than I would like to -- and I did it! It has improved my writing skills and improved my analysis of evidence-based practice. But honestly? I kind of feel like much of academia is a big, fat, scam. (Personal opinion!!)
Barely anything I have learned is applicable to the real-world. All I did for 2 years was read a million nursing research articles, and regurgitate a point based on what I read in APA formatting.
For example, this project I am supposed to do? I had to pick the problem in my hospital 1 YEAR ago, write 32 pages about it, and now I am supposed to put it into action and fix the problem? Um....in the real world in health care, you don't have a YEAR to solve a problem. You have weeks. If you wait a year to get going? Patients have died, employees have quit. Healthcare changes at such a rapid pace. But in academia, things move at their nice, slow, leisurely, chai-latte-in-a-bougie-coffee-house pace.
I wouldn't say this to anyone young pursuing academia and big goals. But that is my personal take on this matter. Therefore, I will complete this degree, and want no accolades or fancy celebration. I have no plans for any graduation ceremony. I told Ryan I want a long weekend in a cabin where we can read books for leisure, hike/trail run, make cinnamon rolls, and not think about school anymore.
Comments
It will be so good to have this degree behind you. You will feel some pride about getting through it but I understand just being so freaking done with it. My MBA kind of ruined me. It extinguished my fire for learning. Mostly because of all the ridiculous group projects that required us meeting in person so we had practice ‘working on a team’. The PT program seemed to forget that their students were getting plenty of practice doing that AT THEIR JOBS!!! I did have a grad party to celebrate having it done with as it was such a time suck!! But getting my CFA was a way more exciting accomplishment and something I felt more pride about. But it also further killed my desire to learn. I can’t see myself ever taking a class again!!!