I pause to bring you a brief intermission from happy posts to invite you to my pregnant pity party.
Remember that whole pandemic thing that's going on? Well, it wins again!
Tomorrow is my 20-week ultrasound. I have been holding on for this moment for weeks for a variety of reasons:
1. I am anxious to see our baby. I haven't had an ultra sound since 10 weeks.
2. I am anxious to make sure that she is developing well, and everything is okay.
3. I was told on August 1, when the appointment was made, that I would get to bring my spouse with me!
When that appointment was made, I also had to make an appointment to see a genetic counselor due to a clotting disorder I have. I already had that appointment and was able to bring Ryan. No one batted an eye when he accompanied me.
These 2 appointments are occurring at a hospital I am not delivering at (because they have better sonography equipment) The hospital I'm having these tests at I've been an employee at for a cumulative of 5 years.
I already receive all my "Press 1 to confirm this appointment" texts earlier this week. Oddly I received a phone call today from the clinic today, and their reason for calling was to tell me I cannot bring anyone with me because of Covid-19 visitor restrictions. When I asked to be escalated to a manager - I was told that Ryan never should have been allowed to accompany me to the genetic counselor appointment and I am just going to have to deal with the rules.
Just in case anyone is wondering, our numbers are the lowest they have been since the pandemic started.
Just in case anyone is wondering, the inpatient side of the hospital has relaxed the "no-visitor policy" and allows 1 visitor per patent. The inpatient hospital where critically ill patients are housed. But a clean, stable, community outpatient clinic doesn't allow a visitor. How does this make sense?
Just in case anyone is wondering, college dormitories and fraternities in our town are "okay". Bars are okay. Restaurants are okay. You can lick the walls at Walmart if you want. But bring your masked spouse to an important medical appointment - absolutely off limits.
Just in case anyone is wondering, the rules in the pandemic are completely irrational. Inconsistent. Ridiculous. There is minimal logic behind the decisions that are being made.
I've held it together since March - but I think the combination of working in a hospital, having my job get ripped around for months, seeing some of the greatest horrors of my career in the medical field, and now being pregnant - I'm ready to tap out.
People have said "Oh you work there, trying pulling some strings." or "Oh, I'd ask to speak to a manager." Guess what - no one cares.
(I tried both, by the way)
Did you know that I had to review an incident report back in July where a patient was dying from the severe effects of a trauma, and his mother tried to get to the bedside to be with him in his dying moments. The hospital called security and they physically had to carry her out of the hopsital? She was told by leadership "If you followed the rules, this wouldn't have happened". I think a story like that gives a little light to how little power we have in this era.
It's not just the ultrasound that has me anxious and frustrated. It is the fear of what is to come. What next? If we have a bad flu season and our Covid numbers do see an increase (which is very likely, because AZ population grows in winter due to our snowbird and college students), do they stop allowing a support person in the delivery room, too? Do I have to bring our child into this world alone while wearing a mask?
I've read several documented cases of PTSD/trauma of mothers who have delivered during this pandemic who:
1. Weren't allowed to have a support person in the room with them (although, this has been rare because the outcomes were so horrific) - but it was happening for some time in NY. And my OB said it isn't out of the question...they never know what the leadership will mandate.
2. Their child was ripped out of their arms and taken away from them to quarantine because the mother had tested positive for COVID-19 prior to the delivery. How. Horrifying.
This is not a post stating how I think things ought to be.
It is truly just a pity party. Because no matter how much I fight, argue, and trying to schmooze my way to get what I want - it won't happen. I'm completely powerless to the situation at hand. And it sucks.
I hope some day I can look back at this point and say, "Boy, I'm glad that's behind us".
But I honestly thought by late September 2020, I'd already be saying that. Yet here we are...
I'm sure I will go to bed tonight, sleep this away, and wake up a new soul in the morning. I'm sure the ultrasound will lift my spirits (I just feel anxious about everything being okay with Baby Namaste...). But for now...I'm feeling annoyed and defeated.
Comments
That is too bad that your dr can't assure you that you will have a support person at delivery. I thought that a ruling was made nation-wide about that but apparently it must be up to each hospital. :( Gah, it sucks when all of this is out of your control and the rules don't make sense.
I hope you still have an enjoyable and exciting US experience even though Ryan can't come with you. It's hard to deal w/ these twists and turns, especially when you have pregnancy hormones pumping through your system. Hang in there. I will hope and pray you can have as normal of a delivery experience as possible come February!!
People in nursing homes and assisted living centers are being isolated to the point of deep depression. I truly believe it can be done safely and sanely, which now it isn’t. The death rate for COVID in the 70 and up age bracket is less than 94% which is better than the death rate from flu.
I pray all goes well today and in the months ahead, and that you both can experience a happy, stressless birth!